Never be a man's "placeholder"

Definition of "Placeholder" as it relates to dating: Someone used or included temporarily or as a substitute for someone that is not known or must remain generic; that which holds, denotes or reserves a place for someone to come later.

He doesn't keep coming back to you because he loves you. He keeps coming back to you because he hasn't yet found Ms. Right, and he knows you'll take him back. He keeps breaking up with you and dating other women because he's looking for Ms. Right.

Have you ever wondered how a man can date a woman for 5, 10+ years, never marry her, break up with her, meet another woman and marry her within 1 to 2 years of dating?  And treat her like royalty?  Yet, all those years he dated the "placeholder", he put her through hell.  This is why...she was simply a "placeholder". Don't ignore red flags.  Never settle for being a man's "placeholder". You deserve to be a man's wife.

Wishing you love, in its truth!

Broke But Never Broken…Really?

I've received several communication regarding the title of my book.  Men love the title because they think I'm saying it's not the man's fault, it's the woman's fault.  While some women don't agree with the title because like the men, they think I'm blaming the woman and not the man.  So not true.  More often times than not, we (women) blame men for our hurt, our pain, our unhappiness, our brokenness.  And while some fault does lie with men, we must take ownership for what we allow(ed).  We must take ownership for our own fears.  If you find you keep attracting the same type of personality, but in different men, then at some point you have to pause and ask yourself “why do I keep attracting this same type of personality? What is it about me that attracts these type of men to me?” 

“The Checklist: It's not him it's you! A woman's guide to learning who she is so that she attracts who she deserves” is about taking inventory of yourself.  It's not a man-bashing or a woman-bashing book.  This book is about learning who you are.  I needed to get to the core of my own issues to help me understand why I accepted what I knew was unacceptable behavior in a relationship.  This writing ultimately helped me to discover who I am and what I deserve in a relationship.

After my marriage failed, I was a hot mess.  I was broke.  I was broken down.  I was broken.  Yes...I was broken!  I know some people don't like to admit that they are broken or were ever broken.  Some people mask their truth and say things like “broke but never broken”, “too blessed to be stressed”.  Whatever!  Well, I'm not about to mask my truth.  It is what it is.  It was what it was.  I was broke.  I was broken down. I was broken.  I was stressed.  I was stressed the hell out.  To sum it up, I was a broken, stressed out, hot damn mess! 

It wasn't until after my marriage failed and while going through my self healing process that I realized I had unresolved issues.  After taking inventory of myself, I learned that my issues existed long before I got married.  So when I got married, I not only brought myself into the marriage, I also [unknowingly] brought my unresolved issues into the marriage.  And I attracted a man who did the same. While going through my self healing process I began to understand the significant role my unresolved issues played in my marriage.  And not just in my marriage, but in every relationship.  It's amazing how unresolved issues dictate your actions, without you even realizing it.  So yeah, I needed this book.  With the writing of each Rule, I was forced to take an honest look at myself and ask myself some hard questions.  It wasn't easy addressing my internal issues, but it was necessary.  And doing so allowed me to let go, forgive, and heal.

It took some time, but I'm now at a place in my life where I can honestly say that I adore the person I am today.  I'm still a work in progress, but I'm no longer the broken, stressed out, hot damn mess I was.  I am definitely in a beautiful place in my life today.  Thank you, Jesus!

Wishing you love, in its truth!

Want

Knowing what you want and understanding that with every want comes an expectation, is crucial to the success of your relationship. Many women say they know what they want, but when they get what they said they wanted, they realize it's not at all what they'd expected. I was once that woman, so I can speak this truth. What I didn't realize (at the time, but have since learned) is that with every want comes an expectation. We want "x,y.z", but we don't give thought to what all comes with "x,y,z". Know what you want and know that with every want comes an expectation. Think about it.

Wishing you love, in its truth!

Yolanda

I'll Hold You Up!

The power of the spoken word.  Many of us are aware of the power of the spoken word, yet some of us fail to use it to our advantage. We, instead, unknowingly use it to our disadvantage. I remember my ex-husband and I would oftentimes say how we would always hold each other down. Although we knew what we meant when we spoke those words, the universe didn’t know what we meant. The universe doesn’t dissect our words, it, however, takes our words at face value.

I knew the power of the spoken word at that time, yet I used it (in that situation) to my disadvantage, instead of to my advantage. Now, that’s not to say that my ex-husband and I didn’t experience some success. We experienced a nice amount of success. We traveled, owned a home and a few luxury cars. But we eventually lost it all. In part because we didn’t know how to hold each other up – we were too busy holding each other down. Of course I didn’t realize this at that time. I only realized this while going through my self healing process. So, as you might imagine, I no longer say “I will hold you down” or “I want a man who can hold me down”. I now say “I will hold you up”, or “I want a man who can hold me up!” I am not looking for a man who can hold me down, and I am not looking to hold a man down.

Choose carefully the words you speak, for your words do not return to you void.

Wishing you love, in its truth!

Yolanda